i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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