I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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