how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
