im holly from the hills drunk
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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