He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
