Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
