Porn is love you can see.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
