btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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