sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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