Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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