Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Still dying that you shit outside
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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