I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
