It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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