You smell like a Billy Joel song
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
