He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
