the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
