I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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