watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
