Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
