some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
