i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
