hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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