y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
