never play flip cup with pint glasses
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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