Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
