awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
