you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
