Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
