God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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