He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
