The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
