My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
