he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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