I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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