please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
