Soap is not a condiment
I puked a lego.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
