I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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