Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
