she woke up with a sticky ear
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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