Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
