Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
