everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
