So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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