The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
