Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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