I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
