I've blown a few things in my day
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
