So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
