"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
