Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
