Non-Jews are for practice
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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