so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize