im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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