you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
