I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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