I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
