is your mom at the bar?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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