I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
