do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Fuck appropriateness.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i believe in u and ur pee
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
