I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
