The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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