there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
