distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
