I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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