after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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