the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
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