Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
