she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
