I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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