You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
