Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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