Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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