I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
