he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
