It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We got so high we made milksteak
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
