Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
