And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
