I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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