I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
