My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This is the high leading the old right now
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
