U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
