Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
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i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
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How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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